Wednesday, 3 October 2012

it wasn't supposed to be this way

It wasn't supposed to be this way.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this.

We were going to live here for a good few more years.

We were going to enjoy this lovely flat.

We were going to share child care and I was going to return to work.

We were going to have more children.

I wasn't meant to be so sick.

I wasn't meant to have PTSD or PND.

Skittle wasn't supposed to be early.

He wasn't supposed to be apart from us.

It wasn't supposed to be this way.

Sitting on the lounge floor tonight, our last night in this home. Sobbing and praying with hubs, so sad that it's come to this. Absolutely relieved to be moving nearer family, so grateful that hubs got a new job, so thankful that Skittle is here and growing, so overwhelmed when we look back over the last 4 years. But so sad that everything we planned has been turned upside down.

We're looking forward to this new season though. We're looking forward to a new home that's not marred with memories of pain and illness and heartache. We're looking forward to a new chapter. We're looking forward to a different pace. We're looking forward to some space and some time to heal.

Deep breaths, here's to the future.

1 comment:

  1. To the future! Although I have a slightly different story, I do identify with the "it wasn't supposed to be like this." Reality is miles away from how I envisaged things, both in the idealistic past and more practical past. I'm sorry you had the losses before Skittle, it must be/have been very hard to comes to terms with and hardly make NICU easier. I hope the next chapter is far happier even if not what you planned xx