Our whole week was decidedly pear shaped. It's always a challenge to go back to the hospital but the thought of this visit was particularly stressful for some reason. We rocked up in paediatric out patients clinic to find it had been moved to the children's ward while renovation works were going on. That threw me. Then Skittle was weighed and measured, never his favourite activities.
As we went through to see our lovely consultant, the dietician joined us to talk about feeding. Thankfully they were really pleased with his weight, almost up to the 50th centile for corrected age. He's on the 2nd for length, so quite a shorty considering how heavy he is. Skittle had a blood test last week (another heel prick to add to the collection!) and we were pleased to discover his neutrophils have raised from 0.7 to 1 finally heading in the right direction. Phew.
I was starting to breathe. Relax. No that's a step to far. Not relax, as such, maybe calm down. Then she measured his head. Then she measured it again. I'm just going to check that I must have got it wrong. Nope still the same. Way off the top of the graph. I think we'd better get you a quick head scan to check there's nothing going on in there.
Cue internal hyperventilation. Clearly I calmed down a little too soon.
If you just go down to NICU. To where now? You cannot be serious. We have to go back in there? Oh my goodness. How? How will I get my body to walk in that unit again?
Off we popped, down to NICU. Body heavy. Don't panic Mummy, it's just a head scan, he's not dying. Don't over react. Breathe slower woman. Smile, look like you're fine, chat to hubs, it's not that big a deal. Keep calm. It's just a scan. It's just a unit.
Yet as we walk up to the door he ears block and my eyes go fuzzy and that intercom buzzer might as well be a shriek cutting my ear drum. Gah, I don't like this corridor let alone going inside.
He's a nice consultant.
Hello Feery's how are you?
Well we'd be loads better if we weren't seeing you.
Hi, fine thanks, it's nice to see you!
There actually isn't any room down here today let's go up to SCBU and see if there's a space up there. Really?! We have to go up there too? The lift isn't working, we have to walk passed the ward where I stayed, the smell literally gets stuck in the back of my throat and I hold my breath.
Why, why is it getting to me this much?
Through we go, to a side room he has a brain scan. I don't understand the results. They talk about ventricals. They say don't worry. They say come back and we'll do an MRI and sedate him, just to be sure. Just to check. Don't worry though.
You're going to sedate him. I'll worry.