Thursday, 7 June 2012

every kind of guilt

- guilt he came early, I failed.

- guilt he was alone, I wasn't there for him.

- guilt when talking to other prem mum's that he wasn't earlier, a weird one.

- guilt that there are things I can't remember.

- guilt that I'm not getting out and making lovely early memories.

- guilt that I didn't push for a dr to see him earlier when I noticed the skin infection on day 7, which by day 9 was full on septicemia.

- guilt that I feel so traumatised even though it could have been so much worse, I mean we have him.

- guilt for putting my hubby through a hellish day.

- guilt for being miserable and stressy and not being able to snap out of it.

- guilt for not being kinder to the other mums.

It's getting out of hand. I think I can twist anything to compound feelings of guilt even more.

When will it end?


  1. Guilty for feeling guilty?

    You shouldn't though. I know that won't stop you (or me, or the next mum and the next after that) but you have done nothing wrong and have everything to be proud of. The best on your "off" days is different to the best on others-but it is still the best. And as for skin infections-you are not the doctor. Given the intensity of medical prescence on NICU, that was not your watch. xx

    1. I do that now...he naps on me in the day, I've given up on the pram! One day he won't nap at all so I'm making the most of it x