Wednesday, 8 August 2012

you say that now

Rant alert. This has been really annoying me recently.

I'm not sure why people do it. I have probably said it myself before, thinking nothing of it.

But it seems to be oh so common to be asked, ridiculously quickly after the arrival of a baby, when you're going to have another one.

Why? I don't get it.

A few people asked us very soon after the c-section if it would indeed be possible for us to have any more children. My brother, a couple of close friends, my mum. I didn't really mind that question from those people. They were genuinely concerned that I'd had a hysterectomy or something else that would mean another pregnancy could never happen. They were inquiring not being nosey.

But some people are just nosey aren't they?

Not asking because they are worried about my health.

They just ask.

"So are you going to have anymore?"

My response, hubs response, it's always the same. No.

And this is the bit that really gets me, more than asking the question in the first place, it's the response.

Drum roll please...

"Oh, well you say that now!" Or  "Everyone says that but then a few years down the line you'll be having another one!" Or "Oh just you wait, you'll change your mind."

Argh. I'm afraid my answer over the last few months has become gradually less gracious and we've now arrived at "No really, pregnancy literally nearly killed me, there's no way we would go through that again and risk a worse outcome." Soon I'm going to add, "What if the same thing happened but they didn't save me and I left hubs and Skittle wife and motherless?" That ought to give them something to think about.

The conversation still sometimes continues, "So have the drs said what happened, have they said you can't have anymore?"

So on we go, "No the dr said there's nothing to say that it would happen again, but to us that also just means there is nothing to say that it wouldn't happen again. And that's just not good enough."

What is the problem with having one child anyway? As it happens there's a history of adoption in our family, my sister is adopted, we had always planned to adopt and conceive so it's more than likely that we will expand our family in that way. But it would be ok if we just had one baby.

I don't understand why people are so keen to ask why/when more will be coming.

Rant over, for now!


  1. It's ridiculous isn't it? Some people are too nosey for their own good! It's not exactly what you want to go into off the cuff or in the supermarket queue. I think one is best. Less christmas presents :)

  2. Exactly, far more practical :-)