we ventured outside

And it was lovely. Just the 3 of us, a rug, a picnic, some fresh air and a lot of sun. It went well, it was relaxing, I was quite calm.

Then we tried walking to boots. It was not so fine, I was stressed and most definitely not calm. Skittle was in the pram and we walked down the road. I was either scanning, frantically looking around me for signs of danger. Or staring at the pavement. Just in case my eyes met someone else's.

There were a number of fears that were trying to keep me at home. Firstly, I didn't want to see anybody we knew. I don't want to talk about Skittle's entry into the world which people will no doubt pry into, even if it is just because they care, it's probably just because their nosey. Secondly, I want to stay at home because it's easier and requires less physical and emotional energy. Thirdly, I don't want to see anyone who's pregnant, it reminds me of my failings. And finally, leaving the flat opens up a world of dangerous freak scenarios that run through my head as we're walking along.

As we were standing on the island between the 2 sets of traffic lights waiting for the green man with the cars driving passed us scarily close I was worried that a lorry would mount the curb and take out the pram and I was stood there frantically trying to work out how I could get my bosy to shield Skittle and keep him alive. 

I'm crazy lady. I know.

Our trip to boots was slightly more successful than my Sainsbury's debut a few weeks ago. We were on our way to hospital and hubby ran in to get a few bits but I had the gift voucher in my pocket so ventured from the safety of the car up the stairs to give it to him. No sooner had I stepped inside the shop it felt like Sainsbury's was trying to swallow me, I hastily surveyed the area for hubby, thrust the voucher into his hand and turned to make my swift exit before the shop trapped me inside it and took my air. It felt like I was in a cartoon running to get out but my feet were stuck to the spot. At least in boots I just felt a bit panicky and my eyes went blurry and my ears felt blocked.

I'm in no hurry to go out again.