snow

Staring blankly out the window at the falling snow. Knowing I should be doing something more important but struggling to focus or concentrate. Wishing the cars driving passed would stop. The slush makes it loud. And right now I want quiet. Leave me alone world I want to get my head round this memory I'm trying to trudge out from the depths. Last year I missed the snow completely. London was at a stand still in thick snow that made it hard for anyone to get around. I was strapped to a bed, trapped by wires and monitors drifting in and out of consciousness as the night turned to white. I remember seeing a few flakes from the window as my blurry eyes stared blankly and fearfully across the room. But really I don't remember much. Just fear. Just thinking I was going to die and I would never see hubs again and Baby wouldn't get to live.

I love snow. This morning before hubs went to work we took Skittle outside in the dark to experience his first glimpse of the good stuff. He seemed impressed ...and confused as to why we would take him outside in the dark and pull him around in a box. But today my mind flashed back to last year. And mercifully the traffic has paused to give me the chance to get my head sort of round it. As usual though I can't. I can't feel the way I want to, think the way I want to. I want to be less numb in the hopes I move forward.

But today has a happy ending, as did last years snow day. Skittle lived. Skittle lives. Thankful doesn't come close.