worry

I'm sure he's fine. I've just given him half a dose of gripe mixture. It says it's ok from 1 month, but then he technically isn't term, but then I only gave half a dose, and they were going to give him gaviscon in hospital for reflux and surely boots gripe water is weaker than that. Surely?

I just wanted to take the pain away and make him more comfortable. And give him some sleep and rest. To help his little body. I just wanted to help. So why do I feel like I've done something terrible. I bet I'll have a nightmare tonight about giving him a lethal injection. What is wrong with me? Why can't I chill out? Its gripe water for goodness sake.

We've been worried about him all day. He had a mammoth feed at 5.30am and then didn't wake up for 4 and a half hours. But technically that's ok too.

I wasn't going to do this. My Mum has slight over-protective tendencies(!) and much as we've all turned out fine I was keen to be a little more chilled in my own parenting. Safe to say everything I'd thought about, which wasn't much seeing as we though there were 10 weeks to go, has gone out the window now.

Other Mum's are so lucky. They don't know how good they've got it. I wonder what it's like not to worry. Or at least to worry a normal amount, about rational things. I don't know how I'll ever have a normal conversation with a normal Mum. I feel so different.